Thinking Yogi

musings from the mat

May 2, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
Comments Off

Growing pains: moving beyond ‘should’


It’s officially over.

The Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses program that has been an amazing source of information, ideas, and support (as well as the cause of many late nights spent at my computer) came to a close a few weeks ago, and I’m still processing all that I learned along the way.

In a nutshell, the 3-month program provides small business owners with a practical education in how to better run their business as well as access to support in pursuing an opportunity to grow. I learned so many great things that I’ve already begun to apply at the studio, and the program opened my eyes to new ways to see both my role at Bloom and the direction we’re headed.

The buzz word of the program was growth – what it means, why it’s important, and how to make it happen. I struggled against what I initially perceived to be pressure to prioritize profit over passion and purpose. The more I compared myself to other business owners or to external expectations for growth, the more I began to feel off-kilter and confused. Midway through the program, I panicked. Should I be trying to come up with some brilliant new yoga gimmick? Should I be a business owner who aims to put a yoga studio on every corner? Should my ambitions be bigger?
Continue Reading →

March 27, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
4 Comments

What my breath is trying to tell me


After a late night work session I drag myself onto the yoga mat at 6am for a brief practice, knowing the fully scheduled day ahead will leave no room for the complete yoga class I’m really needing. I stand at the top of my mat in tadasana, or mountain pose, trying to ground, to rise, to be the mountain, but it seems the only mountain in my life right now is the mountain of work that awaits again today.

As my arms float out to the sides I begin to draw in a deep breath, but by the time my arms have reached shoulder height I realize I’m holding it, the inhalation has petered out. My breath is completely held as I make my way up to urdhva hastasana, or upward salute. I begin the exhale as I fold forward and it seems that the breath can go out forever, like there’s no limit to how long I can exhale. I play with the inhale again as I extend into half forward fold, but the same thing happens. My in-breath starts out strong, like a flood, then midway through there’s no more room to expand and take in. My deep exhalation as I fold into uttanasana, or standing forward fold, confirms it:

My breath is trying to tell me something.

From a physiological perspective, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with the breathing I’ve just described. The lungs do their job whether we are conscious of it or not, and the body and brain will get the oxygen they need just because the human body is an incredible system. But the writer in me couldn’t help but notice the analogy here.

I’m less than two weeks away from graduating from 10,000 Small Businesses, the small business education and support program I’ve participated in for the past few months. Since January, in addition to my regular work load and family obligations, I’ve been fortunate enough to participate in fantastic business education modules that have encouraged me to think about Bloom in a new way, to come up with better systems to keep the studio running well, and to consider a variety of ways to help Bloom to continue to grow and flourish in the future. It has been nothing short of an incredible gift and an opportunity I’m endlessly grateful to have had.

That doesn’t mean it’s been easy (as rewarding things often aren’t).
Continue Reading →

March 15, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
0 comments

Mantra for hard times: it will end

As I settled in for another late-night work session last night, I wondered ‘Will it ever end?’

The past few months have been incredibly busy as I’ve taken on a new time-consuming project on top of all of my other work and family obligations. The stress and pressure of the project have translated to some less-than-positive behavioral changes: I’m sleeping less, making less time for self-care, and eating a lot more dessert than usual!

But after struggling with it for a couple of months and beating myself up over the way I’ve been handling this challenging time, I’ve realized that I need to look at it from a different perspective. Realistically, until this project wraps up next month I need to squeeze more productivity out of myself without having the benefit of more time to work with. That means some late nights (and often the help of dark chocolate to keep me going!) as well as less time than I would like for yoga, swimming, and relaxation.

It’s not ideal, but it’s okay for now. More importantly, as long as I eventually make some behavioral changes, it will end at some point.

I’ve been using that idea as a mantra of sorts these past few months when my stress level rises. Knowing that nothing lasts forever is incredibly empowering and allows me to better tolerate times of stress.

However, the flip side is that the good times don’t last forever either. Continue Reading →

March 8, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
2 Comments

Procrastination and the NOT To Do List

    I’ve spent the past four days not doing the one project I really needed to get done.

    Every morning I put it on my to-do list, but once I sit down to work something else always seems to take priority. Even when I schedule time into my calendar to work on the project, I find that other shiny objects – a fun conversation that emerges in the studio, the new article a friend recommended, or that thing I’ve been meaning to research – pull my attention away from buckling down to just get the work done.

    I’ve been frustrated at my procrastination because it feels like I’m continuously breaking a promise to myself. ‘This time,’ I said yesterday morning, ‘I’ll really get it done.’ But my behavior didn’t change to support the promise, so another day went by with my task list unchanged, the project grew even more monumental in my mind, and I began to think maybe I wasn’t suited to completing it.

    Why do we procrastinate?

    It’s not necessarily because the task at hand is all that difficult or time-consuming, in fact it’s often quite the opposite.
    Continue Reading →

February 27, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
6 Comments

On Surrender: with kids, with props

Over the past week both of my kids have been sick and, as a result, home from school. I also had a ton of work to do and deadlines to meet at the same time, which made for an interesting few days.

Let me set the scene: I’m at my computer, the kids are playing in their room with Legos. All is going well for five whole minutes when I hear escalating voices arguing over who had to play with the headless Lego guy. I’m trying to finish an email but also need to address this very real and very important issue of Lego guys without heads and the fairness of whether brother or sister must be the one who gets stuck with said Lego guy. I get them settled and then return to my work, getting into a groove this time, only to be interrupted 15 minutes later by requests to watch television. I hold out for a while, but after 20 more minutes of whining I decide that this is an okay time to give in.

I push through some more work and after 30 minutes I hear screams from the other room. I dash in, thinking someone has vomited again or is mortally wounded, only to find that the show is over and they would like to watch another one. Continue Reading →

February 26, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
0 comments

The ‘No, thank you’ Meditation: how 2 minutes of mindfulness can change your day

I vividly remember my first meditation experience more than 15 years ago. When the teacher said we’d be meditating for 30 minutes, I panicked. The teacher instructed us to close our eyes and quiet our minds. How could something so simple make me so nervous?

When I closed my eyes I felt tension building in my chest and it was as if my thoughts were screaming at me – mean, ugly, self-doubting thoughts. I was going through a difficult time and the last thing I wanted was to spend 30 minutes coming face-to-face with self-judgement. It was scary and intimidating and it made me want to quit.

Part of the problem was that 30 minutes was way too long for a first experience, but the bigger issue was that I had unrealistic expectations for what meditation should look and feel like.

The word meditation is thrown around a lot these days because there have been so many recent studies touting its benefits. But too many people have a very narrow and unrealistic idea of what meditation can be.
Continue Reading →

February 15, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
0 comments

Stress and the ‘M’ word

Some days it sneaks up on you, like the slow rise of a thermometer on a summer afternoon. Other days it hits all at once. However it arrives, stress is an unpleasant, obtrusive, and all-too-frequent visitor that leaves you feeling physically tense and mentally unsettled.

This past week has been particularly stressful for me. I have no fewer than five unfinished time-sensitive projects to deal with at work, my kids have been home sick from school, and it looks like a tornado blew through our house (how did that sock get on the ceiling fan, anyway?).

Pressed for time, I’ve been pushing myself to the limit in an attempt to be hyper-productive and somehow catch up and conquer my workload. I’ve been staying up late, working on weekends, neglecting to make adequate time for both activity and rest, and just generally sucking all enjoyment out of my daily existence.

Today I’d finally had enough.
Continue Reading →

February 7, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
0 comments

What to do when multi-tasking takes over

Ever had one of those days when you’re trying to be so efficient that you never actually complete a single task?

In many ways, I love multi-tasking. The technology available today and increased speed of communication means I can work on several projects simultaneously in a way that was just not possible 10 years ago. Now instead of having to wait for one project to be completed before starting the next, I can chip away at several at the same time.
Multi-tasking
But the other day as I bounced back and forth between text messages, email, a document I was editing, and social media updates, I felt downright unsettled. Continue Reading →

January 31, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
2 Comments

A love letter to Gentle Yoga

As 10, then 15, then 20 students rolled through the door for my Gentle Yoga class yesterday morning, I felt like all was right in the yoga world.

It used to be that Gentle Yoga was stigmatized, the redheaded stepchild of yoga offerings. Injured? Go to Gentle. Over 60? Go to Gentle. Looking for an “easier” practice? You get the picture.

But as evidenced by the diverse and dedicated group of students who show up to move and breathe with me on Wednesdays at 10:30am, word is spreading
that Gentle Yoga is a deep, therapeutic, satisfying practice, and as my students and I regularly note, it’s far from easy.

What does Gentle Yoga look like? Continue Reading →

January 2, 2013
by Kerry Maiorca
2 Comments

What happened when I stopped ‘working out’

I used to punish myself with exercise. For most of my 20s, exercise was little more than a way of dealing with the negative feelings I had about my body. It was my way of coping with having eaten too much or having eaten the ‘wrong’ things. When I felt too fleshy, too indulgent, I’d try to ‘work it off,’ to shed those bad feelings.

I’ve never been much of a gym person, so going out for a run was my punishment of choice. But it took a lot just to get out the door. I dreaded my runs and would find any excuse to delay. I usually felt pretty good when I was done, but mostly because I had appeased my feelings of self-loathing. I had paid the price for my wrongdoings (at least for that day).

Just as a child who is accustomed to punishment will continue to act out in order to get the expected result, after my workout I’d feel like I had earned a reward, so I’d allow myself a big bowl of ice cream. But as I ate, feelings of guilt and obligation arose because I was anticipating the next day’s punishment. And since I’d already been ‘bad’ with the first bowl, I helped myself to a second (with chocolate syrup this time), thus feeding the cycle. The next day I’d have to run harder and longer to feel okay, then I’d rebel again the day after by polishing off the rest of the container of ice cream. And so on.

Having grown up as an athlete and dancer I couldn’t understand why fun exercise was so hard to come by as an adult. In high school I went to volleyball or softball practice every day after school, running, jumping, playing, playing. In college, dance classes were an integral part of my day and a way to express my creativity. My body liked movement, so why was it so hard as an adult to find a way to ‘work out’ that felt good?
Continue Reading →